Mad Rantings of a Queen Geek

Anyone who knows me knows I am not the typical female in many ways; I don't cream my jeans over the thought of shoe shopping, I'd rather wear a man's flannel shirt than a baby tee, and I am not a fan of the "chick flick". Well, last night I betrayed myself and saw The Devil Wears Prada. Although in my defense it was not my choice, I went out with my lil' ones and they decided at the last minute to see this uber-chick-flick. As far as movies go it was good, not my style though. For anyone who hasn't seen it the premiss is as follows: An intelligent, witty, beautiful young woman begins working as an assistant to one of the most powerful icons in the fashoin industry. In order to get the glittering reference she desires she trades her identity and sells her soul (metaphorically speeking). She becomes one of the hyped up, sheek, paper-thin model-like women who follow magazines like In Style and Cosmopolitan like the Bible. Obviously, I am not one of these women, I've never gotten the point behind the fashion industry and I don't want to be a glam-girl (anymore)....so I really didn't belong in that theater. At one point Meryle Streepe has the line, "Everyone wants to be us".....I think I was the only person in the theater who laughed out loud at that statement. Every now and then I need to get in touch with my girly side, but this was girly over-kill. But like I said, it isn't a bad movie by any means; it's well written, well directed, the acting is wonderful....but the only things that made it bearable were the presences of the guy who plays Franco on Rescue Me and....Stanley Tucci! I love those men, and would watch Stanley in any performance! But yeah, I do have to say it was a waste of $8....but the girls liked it and I love spending time with them, so I guess it was worth it. Could have been worse....could have been Cars.
Anyway that's about all I have to report on. Nothin new going on in my neighborhood. So I guess....Adios

I don't know why birthdays have so much emphasis put on them. I donno, I'm not really fond of my own, like it's not a big deal. Eveyone tries to have fun with it, ya know parties and balloons and stuff, and I guess that's just not my thing. I appreciate it when people wish me a happy b-day, but that's about it. Pressies are nice too, but not necessary.
In other news, my neighbor's house burned down a few days ago and mom and I helped in the rescue. That was terrifying but exciting. Everyone is okay but the house is gone. Fortunately the family has a place to live and friends/family to look after them.
Also, Pam seems to think that mom and I caught a small case of West Nile. I laughed when she first said that but when I went to the Doc to get checked up she said I have the West Nile antibody in my blood, and aparently there's been a rash of people coming in with the same thing. However, since you can't get an antibody without actually contracting a virus it's possible that there is a weaker strand out there. So it's not as far fetched as it sounded...still funny though.
Let's see...anything else to report on? I'm watching Rescue Me and loving it! Anyone who doesn't like this show should just stay away from me because it is fucking brilliant! I'm going to get a new cell phone soon, so that's kinda cool. Ummmm...don't really know anything else, so I guess that's about it. Adios...

Wow, today (apart from having dizzy spells and tunnel vision) was a neat day. After Sarah called at random on Thursday and wanted to stay over, then catching a movie with her and Candy & Sam, then going shopping for the first time in months, hearing from Steph (was starting to worry) and currently talking to Andy (who I haven't talk with in the longest time....too long) I saw 3 of the hottest guys I've ever seen at work today. There was a motorcycle pack staying at the Pointe and as I was doing my favorite towel exchanges these 2 guys, little bit older than me, tall, clad in leather and jeans stopped and flirted with me for a minute or...five. Of course they would do that when I have sweat dripping off my face and I look like all holy hell...but oh well. Then later this afternoon I saw a very attractive man in his early 30's I'd guess while I was at the gas station. We accidentally caught glances, exchanged very nice "How do ya do?" smiles and I caught him checkin me out before I got into my car. It's little moments like that which bring a warm fuzzy feeling to my cold black heart...lol.
In other news, mum and I are definitely headed to the UP State fair this year, which is fucking AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Me excited, and now that Sarah's in my life again I get to have more fun more often. Steph gets to come home for a few days soon, so I'm excited for that too. It's good that we have the summer apart so we don't kill each other during the year, but I miss her. And I know her family is drivin her nuts. I also got my hair cut on Thursday, not too different, just a little shorter and layered. I like it, I still think I may dye it though, but we shall see. Aside from that, I don't really have much news. Adios....

Someone sent this to me and I think it's cool...despite the obvious joke introduced early on.

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A man was exploring caves near the seashore. In one of the caves he found
a canvas bag with a bunch of hardened clay balls.
It was like someone had rolled clay balls and left them out in the sun
to bake.

They didn't look like much, but they intrigued the man, so he took the
bag out of the cave with him. As he strolled along the beach, he would
throw the clay balls one at a time out into the ocean as far as he could.

He thought little about it, until he dropped one of the clay balls and it
cracked open on a rock. Inside was a beautiful, precious stone!

Excited, the man started breaking open the remaining clay balls. Each
contained a similar treasure. He found thousands of dollars worth of
jewels in the 20 or so clay balls he had left.
Then it struck him. He had been on the beach a long time. He had
thrown maybe 50 or 60 of the clay balls with their hidden treasure into the
ocean waves. Instead of thousands of dollars in treasure, he could have
taken home tens of thousands, but he had just thrown it away!

It's like that with people. We look at someone,
maybe even ourselves, and we see the external clay vessel. It doesn't
look like much from the outside. It isn't always beautiful or
sparkling, so we discount it.

We see that person as less important than someone more beautiful or
stylish or well known or wealthy But we have not
taken the time to find the treasure hidden inside that person.

There is a treasure in each and every one of us. If we take the time to
get to know that person, and if we ask God to show us that person the way
He sees them, then the clay begins to peel away and the brilliant gem
begins to shine forth.

May we not come to the end of our lives and find out that we have thrown
away a fortune in friendships because the gems were hidden in bits of
clay. May we see the people in our world as God sees them.

I am so blessed by the gems of friendship I have with each of you. Thank
you for looking beyond my clay vessel.


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Well, now that I've shared that, I am off to meditate. Adios....

Well, 3 weeks into summer vacation and I am feeling pretty good still. I'm getting to spend time with my loved ones, busting my ass at work and loving it, everyone at my place of employment friggin loves me because I work as hard as I can for them, I've lost a bit of weight (this whole not eating thing works really well sometimes) and things are just generally okay. June's already almost half way over, I can't believe it. It'll be August before I know it, I'm excited. I guess that's about it for now...

Well, things are better now. After analyzing everything and reviewing everything I am at peace with the way things turned out. I realized he wasn't the only one who didn't feel like himself. There are pretty much two main sides to me; The synical-rye-Psychologist-laugh at everything-make jokes all the time-fun person who lives to help people, and the emotional wrecking-ball-puppy who need constant reassurement and attention. I spent years becoming the 1st person and that's the person I love being and people love me for it. The 2nd person is so damned annoying and everything becomes hard. For whatever reason this relationship made the insecure part of me come out, I think because I finally had found someone I didn't need to take care of. Unfortunately he ended up taking care of me and suddenly 2 months felt like 30 years. But now that things are over he can get back to being himself and being happy while I can be the me I want to be.
After 36 hours of screaming tears and a bleeding heart, I have moved on. I have gone back to work [in a way] and am no longer neglecting the other people in my life, people who have missed the real me and needed my attention. Truth is I needed to give them attention. If I am not helping my friends and playing Dr. Patti there is nothing to me, no real purpose. But yeah, I miss him, I'm still bummed and tender, and a little tiny bit moapy about everything, but I think recovery will be a lot quicker than I originally anticipated. And once I actually start working and perhaps get a 2nd job I won't have time to think about any of this stuff. This was just the final chapter of my freshman year. Time to start over, and I am excited about that.
Well, I guess that's all I have to report on. Adios...

What a horrendous day. I can't believe how horrible things got. No sense in going into detail but all I can say is I have never hurt so badly or felt like I lost so much. I have lived this long merely due to obligation, I couldn't hurt my family and friends so I stayed around not cuz I wanted to but I owed it to them. But today I managed to lose the one thing that made me want to live, the reason I got up in the morning, the only thing that ever made me truly happy. It hurts so much I could die, but if my happiness meant his misery then it's better that things happened this way. I wish things were different, I wish I could have kept him, but things happen for a reason. And I think it will be better for both of us, I just hope I can remember how to breathe and stop crying sometime before Labor Day.

Well, it's summer and I am back here in Minocqua....hating every minute of it. This place sucks so much, and it's amazing how much you forget when you leave for a while. You forget how tired people are, how much pain they are in and the trouble that you can never get out of or help other people with. It seems like I was born into a world where no matter how hard you work or how fast you run you can never get ahead. This place doesn't care about fairness or effort. Some of you are probably thinking "that's the WORLD for ya" which is true, but try living in this place for a few years. Oh well, once the sting of remembering and the guilt of forgetting fade away I've just got 3 months of busting my ass ahead of me. I keep trying to tell myself it'll all be alright, this summer will be no different from any other or maybe it'll be better but I think at this point we all know how truly pesimistic I am. I had so many plans for the summer too. I know full well I am not going to accomplish any of them...just like always. If I had my boyfriend's ambition then I might pull at least one of them off. Oh well, we shall see what the next 3 months have to offer. I know that I desperately miss Ryan, but my time away from him will do us both some good. He can have a social life again and not have naggy-clingy-needy girlfriend following him around. And on my end, I can remember what it's like to be independent. One thing is true, I'm glad I'm not in school at the moment.

Here's a note for all you children out there; Jumbo Pixie Sticks that have been in the backseat of someone's car for 2 years are really nasty. So if one of your friends offers you 2year old Pixie Sticks...JUST SAY NO!!!!!!!! Stay safe :)

Well, I took my Human Sexuality final today, and I thinkI did fairly well considering how often I wasn't in class and had no notes to study from. Although I have an incomplete because Jay doesn't want to fail me on account of this mix up. Problem being the fact that I can't fix the IP (since I'll be in Scotland next spring) until spring of 08! Well, I'll probably be in Scotland if I can come up with $13,745 by then. And I have to figure out how to get into a math class that I NEED to be in by fall of Junior year otherwise I'm looking at a 5 year program. The fun never ends in Pattiland.
On the lighters side I got over $80 back from selling my books and Steph and I had fun at the zoo. We couldn't figure out anything else to do so we were like, "Hmmm, let's go somewhere we can't spend all our money." Plus I'd never been there and Steph was a tiny child last time she was there. It was pretty fun, not quite as impressive as everyone makes it out to be but it is definitely cool. Now I am sitting here wondering what I can do since I don't have any finals and my boyfriend will be busy all day tomorrow. Probably end up packing my car so I can clean all day Friday. Once Steph's done with her final she and I can watch the other two movies we rented (had to introduce her to Donnie Darko...and I was going through withdrawls....I need to buy that one) but that only kicks out 4 hours....leaving 20. Oh well, I'll find some way to entertain myself. Anyway, that's the news from Pattiland. Adios...